Tom Cruise as Hugh Hefner?

The word out of Hollywood is that Tom Cruise is at the top of the list to portray Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner in an upcoming bio-pic.

The Celebrity News Service quotes as insider as saying, "Tom knows of Hugh's colorful past and thinks he would be the perfect person to bring it to the big screen. He also thinks the role would be a challenge for him, and would remind people of his versatility as an actor. At the moment people are concentrating on his personal life, and his marriage to Katie - but he wants to remind them that he can act too."

This is shocking news. No, not that Tom wants to play Hefner. But that a "Celebrity News Service" actually exists.

Seriously though, is anyone really going to green-light Tom playing that role? If he does, I'll have to re-arrange the following list.

TOP FIVE MOST UNREALISTIC PERFORMANCES BY TOM CRUISE

5. Losin' It (1983): Jackie Earle Haley makes this a great movie. Cruise and Shelley Long transform it into an average one.

4. Legend (1985): If the Lord of Darkness wants to kill unicorns, Tom Cruise isn't the guy I'm sending in there to make things right.

3. The Firm (1993): You can dress him down and muss up his hair, but you still can't buy into Cruise as John Grisham's hero.

2. Far and Away (1992) and Days of Thunder (1990): Cruise and Nicole Kidman on screen together is pretty painful -- even without the fake Irish accents or NASCAR driving.

1. Mr. Katie Holmes: Happy first anniversary, Tom and Katie. Now will someone please step forward and tell us it's all a big practical joke.