Commando on Blu-ray

I not-so-fondly remember watching the John Cena film "The Marine" a while ago and detested the picture for its mindless screenplay and unimaginative action sequences. I wondered to myself, "Who watches this garbage?" Then, I found myself watching "Commando," starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. A realization swept across my conscious that the answer to my question was "I do." "Commando" is a nearly quarter-century old film where the governor of California goes on a seemingly impossible raid to save the life of his daughter. When I compare the script and the action of "Commando" to that from "The Marine," this film really doesn´t improve much over that horrid Cena picture. However, there is something that makes "Commando" infinitely more likable.
The answer to that puzzle is simple. "Commando" features Arnold Schwarzenegger, a far more likable and entertaining action hero. Arnold (bad style, but we´ll use first name instead of retying Schwarzenegger a large number of times) and his heavy Austrian accent made cheesy one-liners cool. He made poorly-scripted dialogue fun. And! We didn´t care about how many rounds of ammunition were left in his clip and how many bullets amazingly didn´t hit the very large man when a dozen enemy soldiers were firing at him in full auto. We didn´t care because watching Arnold kick some serious ass was something that made the Eighties cinema truly remarkable. He is an action hero. Cena is a wrestler. There is a world of difference.
"The Marine" had the Camaro of Doom. That car was nearly indestructible. It´s resilience bordered on absurdity. I know. I have always owned Camaros and I know they have not-so-bullet-friendly bodies. The car was hurt, but it kept going. I felt the entire chase that revolved around that car and its amazing re-inflating (they were not Goodyear Runflats) tires was simply ludicrous. However, I find myself loving and rooting for the Austrian of Doom in this film. He has amazingly re-inflating biceps, but I never once found myself stopping to question how he could handle a very physical encounter after being shot in the arm. Arnold isn´t a car, but his resilience in this film is just as absurd as the Camaro. Again, I didn´t care because Arnold is a prototypical action hero.
In this film he portrayed retired Special Forces commander Colonel John Matrix. Matrix lives an overly happy and peaceful life with his daughter Jenny (Alyssa Milano in her second role). One day that peace is compromised when his former boss General Franklin Kirby (James Olsen) shows up and tells Matrix that his entire former unit has been killed. Of course, the bad guys have impeccable timing and show up as soon as Kirby is safely away. Jenny is kidnapped and Matrix is told that he must help Arius (Dan Hedaya) attain a presidency by assassinating the current president. Matrix learns that his former war buddy Bennett (Vernon Wells) is not only wearing the worst shirt in Hollywood history, but also helping Arius attain his goals. Arius and Bennett are aided by Sully (David Patrick Kelly) and Cooke (Bill Duke).
With Arnold now running the state of California and nobody stepping up to replace Schwarzenegger, Stallone or Willis, box office heroes have been in short supply in recent years. I enjoy Brendan Frasier and think the "Mummy" films are homage to the action films of the Eighties. Somebody along the line seems to have misplaced Vin Diesel. There simply is nobody with the same action charisma and physical presence as the Governator and this is a big chunk of why a film like "Commando" can succeed and the far more recent "The Marine" fails to entertain. There was a time when Hollywood had a good grasp on how to make silly action films entertain and they are trying hard to recapture that magic, but it is Sylvester Stallone, Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis that are forgoing the retirement home and still doing their own stunts.
Bullets fly. Bad guys die. Arnold survives. And I never care to ask any questions regarding the feasibility of anything contained in this film. I could care less that the character portrayed by Rae Dawn Chong is about as convenient a plot device as you could ever find. Matrix needed a pilot and he found one in a sexy flight attendant. Sure, it seemed like he was just as capable of flying the seaplane as Cindy was, but that would have limited the testosterone producing abilities of the film and not provided the pre-requisite love interest for our favorite action hero. Nobody could possibly remain as unscathed as Matrix during the assault on Arius´ compound. It is just impossible. But, it just doesn´t matter. "Commando" is escapist fun. It is a film about Arnold kicking ass and flexing his big muscles. It is about over-the-top thrills and bad dialogue sounding good.
"Commando" could be called a dumb film with a paper-thin plot and silly action. Those deriding the film with such harsh words are not sitting back and enjoying the film as it was meant to be. It isn´t intended to tell a provocative and award-winning story. It is not meant to deliver realistic warfare. That would hardly fill nine minutes, let alone ninety minutes if one man took on an entire terrorist camp. "Commando" was a film solely created to showcase the humor and muscles of its star, which was slowly rising through the box office stratosphere when "Commando" hit theaters. Arnold Schwarzenegger embodies the muscle-bound action hero of the Eighties and Nineties and this film was created to showcase his physique and talents. It is meant to be enjoyed as something to laugh at and enjoy the heroics of a superhero-type protagonist. It was never meant to be taken seriously.