A very merry 80s Christmas poem

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the web
Not a 80s star was stirring -- their careers nearly dead.
The police reports were searched and looked at with care,
In hopes that Boy George or George Michael would be there.
The punk-rockers were nestled all snug in their beds,
While bruises from slam-dancing showed on their heads.
And mamma with her Stoli, and I with Bacardi,
Had just punished our livers with a long winter's party.
When on one of the blogs there arose such a clatter,
I awoke from my stupor to see what was the matter.
Away to the computer I flew like a flash,
Nearly stepping on last night's cigar and a bowl full of ash.
Past the photos of breasts, of celebrities with blow.
Taken by the paparazzi who stoop so very low.
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
But rumors of a reunion, after so many years.
A bespectacled director, so full of the muse,
I knew in a moment it must be John Hughes.
More rapid than eagles his co-stars they came,
And he whistled, and berated, and called them by name!
"Now Molly! now, Rob Lowe! now, Judd and Ally!
On, Demi! On, Emilio! On Andrew McCarthy!
Quit your TV shows! Stop the Broadway!
It's back to Hollywood right away!"
And then, like an echo, I heard from afar
The infamous movie lines from those 80s stars.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Mr. Hughes came with a bound.
He was dressed in a trenchcoat, from his head to his foot,
His Chicago Cubs t-shirt tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of scripts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like an agent or celebrity hack.
His eyes -- how they glared! Face pale as a bone.
He must have read my old blog item on "Home Alone!"
His droll little mouth -- lips straight as a ruler,
Oh god, he knows of that sequel to "Ferris Bueller!"
A typewriter and blank pages he held tight in his hands,
An iPod blared only music from old New Wave bands.
He had a long face and no trace of a gut,
He's no Santa afterall, he's just in a rut!
He was surly and short, a right cranky old elf,
But I asked for an autograph, in spite of myself!
A rolling of his eyes and a dip of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Finishing a script, then calling me a jerk.
And laying his middle finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his limo, told his driver 'Find a pub!'
And away they all drove like the end of Breakfast Club.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas 80s fans, and to all a good-night!"

RETRO-REVIEW: 1984's The Last Starfighter

TODAY'S RETRO-REVIEW: 1984's "The Last Starfighter,"   starring Lance Guest, Catherine Mary Stewart and Robert Preston. Directed by Nick Castle (The Boy Who Could Fly, Tap). It was one of the first films to take advantage of computer graphics for entire segments of the movie. In 2004, it was converted to stage in an off-Broadway production.

THE PLOT: A teenager stuck living in a trailer park (Guest) finds that his videogaming skills are highly prized elsewhere in the universe when he's recruited to defend an alien race against invaders. But will he leave his girlfriend (Stewart) and family to pursue his destiny?

MAYBE YOU REMEMBER: Lance Guest played the part of "Jack" in the Kristy McNichol film, "Just the Way You Are." Guest falls for McNichol before meeting her in person and realizing she's handicapped. (Come on, Jack!)

SURELY YOU CAN'T FORGET: This was the final film appearance for Robert Preston, who died in 1987 of lung cancer. Best known to 80s fans for his role in "Victor/Victoria," Preston based his "Starfighter" role  of "Centauri  " on his 1962 performance of "Professor Harold Hill" in "The Music Man."

WHAT THE CRITICS SAID: "The Last Starfighter is not a terrifically original movie. The video game concept seems inspired by Walt Disney's TRON, and the battles in space are such close copies of the Star Wars movies that George Lucas might have a lawsuit." -- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times

WHY WE LIKE IT ANYWAY: The aliens are more human than those living on Earth, especially movie critics it seems. And without sounding like too much of a wuss, there's great romantic juice between Guest and Stewart (who would go on star in "Night of the Comet," "Weekend at Bernie's" and "Mischief.") Hell, if Guest had left her behind on earth, I'd be living with "Maggie" now at the "Star Lite Trailer Park!"

TOP 5 LINES FROM THE LAST STARFIGHTER:

5. "Back to sleep, Louis, or I'm telling Mom about your Playboys!"

4. "Woo! All right! We're being invaded!"

3. "Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-Dan armada."

2. "Sorry, I didn't mean to step on your, uh, whatever that is."

1. "You're on Rylos, my boy! Stop thinking human."

The Best 80s Thanksgiving Movie

 

Thanksgiving is nearly upon us, and so our minds turn to ... John Candy and Steve Martin?

That's right, the only 80s Thanksgiving movie worth thinking about is "Planes, Trains and Automobiles. And give thanks for another top 5 list. (This one is a little unusual.)

TOP FIVE "BUTT-CENTRIC" QUOTES FROM PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES:

5. "I'm afraid to look at my ass. There'll be griddle marks."

4. "We'd have more luck playing pickup sticks with our butt-cheeks than we will getting a flight out of here before daybreak."

3. "If you catch me running off with my mouth, just give me a poke on the chubbs."

2. "St. Louis to Chi-town is booked tighter than Tom Thumb's ass."

1. "Those aren't pillows!"

Tom Cruise as Hugh Hefner?

The word out of Hollywood is that Tom Cruise is at the top of the list to portray Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner in an upcoming bio-pic.

The Celebrity News Service quotes as insider as saying, "Tom knows of Hugh's colorful past and thinks he would be the perfect person to bring it to the big screen. He also thinks the role would be a challenge for him, and would remind people of his versatility as an actor. At the moment people are concentrating on his personal life, and his marriage to Katie - but he wants to remind them that he can act too."

This is shocking news. No, not that Tom wants to play Hefner. But that a "Celebrity News Service" actually exists.

Seriously though, is anyone really going to green-light Tom playing that role? If he does, I'll have to re-arrange the following list.

TOP FIVE MOST UNREALISTIC PERFORMANCES BY TOM CRUISE

5. Losin' It (1983): Jackie Earle Haley makes this a great movie. Cruise and Shelley Long transform it into an average one.

4. Legend (1985): If the Lord of Darkness wants to kill unicorns, Tom Cruise isn't the guy I'm sending in there to make things right.

3. The Firm (1993): You can dress him down and muss up his hair, but you still can't buy into Cruise as John Grisham's hero.

2. Far and Away (1992) and Days of Thunder (1990): Cruise and Nicole Kidman on screen together is pretty painful -- even without the fake Irish accents or NASCAR driving.

1. Mr. Katie Holmes: Happy first anniversary, Tom and Katie. Now will someone please step forward and tell us it's all a big practical joke.

Sixteen Candles is the superior teen flick

Rarely do you find a weekly magazine that panders to the 80s nation, but this week a small door in the space-time continuum opened. Entertainment Weekly has a dead-on fun piece comparing 80s classics "Pretty in Pink" with "Sixteen Candles." (Click here to read it.)

Writer Dalton Ross makes the argument -- and a damn fine one -- that "Sixteen Candles" is the superior teen flick.  And he doesn't just fling around a couple cute movie quotes and shut the door. Ross breaks down every angle in true Stuck in the 80s fashion. For example:

Farmer Ted (Anthony Michael Hall) vs. Duckie (Jon Cryer): Duckie is a sympathetic character, he writes, but "[Hall] is responsible for no less than a hundred classic moments," from charging to see panties, hijacking the prom queen to his mastery of making a martini.

Jake Ryan vs. Blane: Andrew McCarthy's Blane "has no backbone, dresses lame, and has an even lamer haircut." Meanwhile Jake Ryan (played by the sadly retired Michael Schoeffling) is everything a girl should want. "Even I have a bit of a man crush on the dude," Ross gushes.

Thompson Twins vs. OMD: Here, I think Ross goes too far, proclaiming "If You Were Here" by the Twins as the superior movie-ending music. Bah! "If You Leave" is one of the true classic tunes of the 80s movie soundtracks (easily tied for first with "Don't You Forget About Me" from Breakfast Club.)

But Ross's heart is in the right place. Now, if he'll just go on the record proclaiming "Weird Science" as the ultimate John Hughes movie, we're all set.

Come on, you scuzzy data, be in there!

The quest to build the ultimate list of Most Quotable Lines from 80s Movies continues -- with much rejoicing. This has got to be the most enjoyable list to put together. Lots of the old standards coming back to life.

But where are all the sci-fi movie lines? Surely you haven't forgotten the magnetism of Blade Runner or the charisma of James T. Kirk.

Here are some 80s sci-fi lines to consider for our list:

• "Judge me by my size, do you?" (The Empire Strikes Back)"Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?" (Blade Runner)
• "Scotty, I need warp speed in three minutes or we're all dead." (Star Trek 2)
• "Game over, man, game over!" (Aliens)
• "Terrific. I'm about to get killed a million miles from nowhere with a gung-ho iguana who tells me to relax." (The Last Starfighter)
• "Come on, you scuzzy data, be in there." (Tron)
• "Bloodshed is my life." (Explorers)
• "Khhaaaaan!" (Star Trek 2)
• "Why, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder." (The Empire Strikes Back)
• "Time to die!" (Blade Runner)
• "Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!" (Return of the Jedi)
• "Greetings, Program!" (Tron)
• "Call me Snake." (Escape from New York)
• "Flash, Flash, I love you, but we only have fourteen hours to save the Earth!" (Flash Gordon)
• "The sleeper has awakened!" (Dune)

Mickey Rourke: 'Innate respect for the insane'

 

Mickey Rourke, renaissance man. Our man Mickey -- who's gone from actor to boxer to ummm ... well, we loved your movies! -- was arrested Thursday morning in Miami Beach on suspicion of driving under the influence, according to the Associated Press.

Pulled over while making some erratic moves on his green scooter, Rourke "had a flushed face and bloodshot, watery eyes, his speech was slurred, and he had a strong odor of alcohol on his breath," the police report said. He failed field sobriety and blood alcohol tests, according to the report.

I'm not going to sully the man any further, because Rourke was a god in the 80s. If he wants to pull a "Nick Nolte" once in a while, he's entitled. Just next time, spring for a designated scooter driver.

TOP 5 MICKEY ROURKE FLICKS OF THE 80s:

5. Rumble Fish (1983): "Even the most primitive of societies have an innate respect for the insane."

4. The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984): "This might be your church, right now I'm the Pope of Greenwich Village 'cause I got the tape alright?"

3. Diner (1982): "If you don't have good dreams, Bagel, you got nightmares."

2. Nine 1/2 Weeks (1986): "I saw myself in you."

1. Barfly (1987): "Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead."

Is your Bryan Adams hanging out?

I have a theory about Bryan Adams: His music is on the radio just regularly enough that you don't really notice it unless someone points it out. (And when they do, it can be embarrassing -- sorta like having your zipper down.)

So my friends and I once came up with the code "Your Bryan Adams is hanging out" -- we'd say that anytime we left his music play unknowingly on the radio. (Of course, that was their way of saying change the channel. But I sorta dig Adams, so I let it "hang out.")

I first caught Adams at the Rock n' Roll Superbowl in Orlando's Citrus Bowl back on March 20, 1982 (you'll see in a minute why I remember the date). In those days, the antiquated stadium hosted annual rock festivals. That day, Adams was the opening act. The only song anyone recognized was "Lonely Nights." He played his half hour set then made way for a bunch of better-known bands, including Foreigner, still fresh off their success from 1981's "4" album.

Ozzy Osbourne was supposed to be the real attraction that day, but his guitarist Randy Rhoads died the day before the show when a small plane he was flying in crashed. Ozzy canceled his appearance and Pat Travers ("Boom, boom! Out go the lights!) stepped in to take his place.

Adams turns 48 years old today. These days, Adams has been playing Europe and Asia. I hope he gets back to Florida sometime soon. But this time, let's hope everyone in the lineup just sticks to driving.

TOP 5 BRYAN ADAMS SONGS OF THE 80s:

5. Heaven: "Love is all that I need, and I found it there in your heart."

4. Somebody: "The winners are losers. You see it every night."

3. One Night Love Affair: "I never thought that I'd be touchin' you."

2. Lonely Nights: "With every breath you're takin', you're thinkin' of ways to say good night."

1. Summer of '69: "Those were the best days of my life."

Duran Duran new album Red Carpet Massacre

 

Reviews of the Duran Duran's run of intimate concerts on Broadway are starting to trickle out, and the reaction from critics is a bit subdued.

The lads from Birmingham, England, are playing their new album -- Red Carpet Massacre -- start to finish to open each show. Then they launch into a short set of electronica before finishing with a set of the old favorites.

The Hartford Courant, which reviewed a few warm-up shows, said "while it's refreshing to see a veteran band so excited about its new material, hitting the audience with a straight hour of unfamiliar music seems an unnecessary gamble."

Some of the new songs "feature the same throbbing keyboards and robo-funk beats that have spelled smash for Justin Timberlake, Nelly Furtado, and even Britney Spears," the Courant writes.

OK, that's probably good news for fans below the age of 23. But I'm guessing the rest of us are shaking our heads. Let's hope they shake up the set list before taking this act on the road.

Fast Times on TV? Fat chance

The cable channel American Movie Classics is playing "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" this afternoon. Normally, any showing of the movie is cause for celebration (and for the fake stomach flu, so that I can go home and watch).

But few things in life cause flu-like symptoms like watching a largely censored version of this 1982 classic on television. What would you miss? Plenty!

FOUR-LETTER WORDS THAT START WITH D: You miss Sean Penn's ultimate expletive to Mr. Hand. On regular TV, expect Spicoli to say something like "You doofus!" (I've also heard "dillweed") Not the same knock-down power.

NO PHOEBE: The infamous Phoebe Cates topless scene at the pool comes to mind next. (Rumor has it that video store owners say their old tapes of that scene have tracking errors on that scene -- where kids used to pause the scene for anywhere from 5 to 10 minutes.)

YOUNG LOVE: Speaking of sadly abbreviated time frames, there's also Mike Damone's 5- to 10-second scene with Stacy in the pool changing room. You'll be missing that today too.

My advice? Stay at work a little extra today. Use the overtime to go buy the special-edition DVD. Because if you're here, and I'm here, isn't this really our time?

The kids are still hot tonight

 

Just when you needed another fresh injection of 80s rock, Loverboy is here with a new album.

"Just Getting Started" is the name of the new album -- the band's first is more than 10 years. It will be released Nov. 6 initially in an exclusive deal with Wal-Mart.

I've been listening to the new disc for a couple weeks now, and it's a much-overdue blast of pure Canadian 80s rock. Vocalist Mike Reno's voice sounds fully recharged and he really seems energized by the new material.

The first song the band recorded -- "Stranded" -- is actually the last song on the disc. The song is written as an ode to Scott Smith, the band's former bassist who was lost at sea while sailing in 2000.

The 10 songs still feature the guitar-and-keyboards barrage and working class lyrics that made the band so accessible to fans during their hey-day. Highlights on the disc include the hard-rocking title track and the 9-to-5 anthem "One Of Them Days."

"I love the way it sounds. I love the album cover. I love the fact that we're almost giving it away," vocalist Mike Reno told a Canadian newspaper. "I love the fact that we're giving half-price downloads on most of the download systems. And I'm perfectly aware that more than half of the people in the world will steal it. I'm happy with all of that."

Top 20 Horror Films of the 80s

20. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986): Dennis Hooper, Caroline Williams. "After a decade of silence... The buzzz is back!"

19. C.H.U.D. (1984): Daniel Stern, John Heard. "You Won't Want To Know What It Means."

18. The Changeling (1980): George C. Scott, Jean Marsh. "Whatever you do...DON'T GO INTO THE ATTIC."

17. Hellraiser (1987): Andrew Robinson, Clare Higgins. "Demon to some. Angel to others."

16. The Evil Dead (1981): Bruce Campbell, Ellen Sandweiss. "The Ultimate Experience In Grueling Terror."

15. Fright Night (1985): Chris Sarandon, William Ragsdale. "If you love being scared, it'll be the night of your life."

14. House on Sorority Row (1983): Kate McNeil, Eileen Davidson. "Sisters in life.  Sisters in death."

13. Re-Animator (1985): Jeffrey Combs, Bruce Abbott. "Herbert West Has A Very Good Head On His Shoulders... And Another One In A Dish On His Desk."

12. The Lost Boys (1987): Jason Patric, Corey Haim. "Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire."

11. Dressed to Kill (1980): Michael Caine, Angie Dickinson. "Every Nightmare Has A Beginning ... This One Never Ends."

10. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984): Johnny Depp, Robert Englund. "A scream that wakes you up, might be your own."

9. The Believers (1987): Martin Sheen, Helen Shaver. "They exist. Fear them."

8. Return of the Living Dead (1985): Clu Gulager, James Karen. "They're back ... They're Hungry ... And they're NOT vegetarian."

7. Prince of Darkness (1987): Donald Pleasance, Jameson Parker. "It is evil. It is real. It is awakening."

6. Christine (1983): Keith Gordon, John Stockwell. "Hell hath no Fury...like Christine."

The top 5...

5. The Shining (1980): Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall. One critic said: "It is not just a great horror film; it is a psychological profile of how people wrestle with their unsavory pasts."

4. Night of the Creeps (1986): Jason Lively, Steve Marshall. One critic said: "Rarely is a horror comedy as much fun to watch as this movie is."

3. American Werewolf in London (1981): David Naughton, Jenny Agutter. One critic said: "It may be one of the best endings to any movie, ever."

2. The Thing (1982): Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley. One critic said: "If you don't repeatedly drop your jaw and gape at the screen in disbelief, you might need to lay off the PCP."

1. Poltergeist (1982): Craig T. Nelson, JoBeth Williams. One critic said: "This is the movie The Amityville Horror dreamed of being."

So there's the list. Feel free to share your darts and laurels.

Most depressing songs of the 80s: Top 20

What better person to introduce the final 20 songs from the Most Depressing Songs of the 80s list than "Gary" from "Last American Virgin."

I'm going out on a limb here and proclaiming that Gary (played expertly by the much-underrated Lawrence Monoson) is the saddest movie character of the 80s. If you don't know why, then it's time to rent the movie again. (Even sadder that his signature tune ''Just Once" didn't make the top 20, but another song from the movie did.)

This list is for all the Gary's out there. (Click here to see Nos. 21-30, 31-40, 41-50)

MOST DEPRESSING SONGS OF THE 80s: The Top 20

20. With Or Without You (U2): "Sleight of hand and twist of fate, on a bed of nails she makes me wait." [Video]

19. Love on the Rocks (Neil Diamond): "First they say they want you, how they really need you. Suddenly you find you're out there, walking in a storm." [Video]

18. Throwing It All Away (Genesis): "Late at night when you call my name, the only sound you'll hear is the sound of your voice calling, calling after me." [Video]

17. Separate Lives (Phil Collins): "Some day I might find myself looking in your eyes. But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives." [Video]

16. The Bitterest Pill (The Jam): "I wish this grave would open up and swallow me alive." [Video]

15. Since You're Gone (The Cars): "You're so treacherous when it comes to tenderness." [Video]

14. Goodnight Saigon (Billy Joel): "And who was wrong? And who was right? It didn't matter in the thick of the fight." [Video]

13. Against All Odds (Phil Collins): "I wish I could just make you turn around, turn around and see me cry." [Video]

12. Fairytale of New York (The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl): "Happy Christmas, your arse, I pray God it's our last." [Video]

11. Is This The World We Created? (Queen): "If there's a God up in the sky looking down, what can he think of what we've done?" [Live video]

10. Dear God (XTC): "If there's one thing I don't believe in... it's you." [Video]

9. Voices Carry (Til Tuesday): "He tells me tears are something to hide,  and something to fear." [Video]

8. Time After Time (Cyndi Lauper): "You said go slow. I fall behind. The second hand unwinds." [Video]

7. The River (Bruce Springsteen): "No wedding day smiles, no walk down the aisle. No flowers, no wedding dress." [Live video]

6. Mercy Street (Peter Gabriel): "Tugging at the darkness, word upon word." [Video]

5. No One Is To Blame (Howard Jones): "You can feel the punishment but you can't commit the sin." [Live video]

4. Blasphemous Rumors (Depeche Mode): "When I die I expect to find him laughing." [Live video]

3. Here Comes A Regular (The Replacements): "I used to live at home, now I stay at the house" [Listen]

2. Same Old Lang Syne (Dan Fogelberg): "We drank a toast to innocence. We drank a toast to now. And tried to reach beyond the emptiness. But neither one knew how." [Watch video]

1. Fast Car (Tracy Chapman): "We leave tonight or live and die this way." [Watch video]

Most depressing songs of the 80s (#21-30)

Poor Duckie. He saw yesterday's list of Most Depressing Songs of the 80s, and was driven to a crying fit out in the rain  because nothing from "Pretty in Pink" had made the list. Cheer up, Duck man. Today's your big day. (Click here to see Nos. 31-40 and 41-50)

TOP 50 DEPRESSING SONGS OF THE 80s: Nos. 21-30

30. How Soon Is Now? (The Smiths): "I am the son and heir of nothing in particular."
29. Who Wants To Live Forever? (Queen): "This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us."
28. Everytime You Go Away (Paul Young):  "I can feel your body move. It doesn't mean that much to me."
27. Hold On to the Nights (Richard Marx): "I wish that I could give you something more."
26. Luka (Suzanne Vega): "They only hit until you cry and after that you don't ask why."
25. Think Of Laura (Christopher Cross): "I think you're here, taking our tears away."
24. Purple Rain (Prince): "It's such a shame our friendship had to end."
23. The Way It Is (Bruce Hornsby): "As he catches the poor old lady's eyes, just for fun he says 'Get a job.' "
22. Please Please Let Me Get What I Want (The Smiths): "Lord knows, it would be the first time."
21. New York Minute (Don Henley): "Men get lost sometimes as years unfurl."

Sneak peak at the next 10: Just pour me a drink, and I'll tell you some lies.

Most depressing songs of the 80s (#31-40)

Yeah, I skipped a day in the list. How depressing.

The list of the 50 most depressing songs of the 80s continues today. (Repeat after me: Open mouth, insert Prozac, swallow.)

My personal favorite from today's list? No surprise to long-time fans here -- it's "The Smile Has Left Your Eyes" by Asia. Though in all fairness, I'm a sobbing heap of melting flesh if you play any tune on today's list.

Click here to view Nos. 41-50. And as always, fire away with the feedback.

50 MOST DEPRESSING SONGS OF THE 80s: Nos. 31-40

40. Hard to Say I'm Sorry (Chicago): "Even lovers need a holiday, far away from each other."

39. Last Time Forever (Squeeze):" It all went wrong when I grew jealous."

38. Missing You (John Waite): "There's a heart that's breaking down this long distance line tonight."

37. Save a Prayer (Duran Duran): "You don't have to dream it all, just live a day."

36. The Smile Has Left Your Eyes (Asia): "It's over now. It's not my fault. See how this feels for you."

35. Cigarette (Smithereens): "Just like this cigarette, our time is running down."

34. Mandolin Rain (Bruce Hornsby): "You don't know what you got till you lose it all again."

33. Just Once (James Ingram): "Seems we're always blowing whatever we got going."

32. Give Me It (The Cure): "Get away from me. Leave me alone. Like the pig on the stairs, hanging
in a groovy purple shirt."

31. Drive (The Cars): "You can't go on, thinkin' nothings wrong."

Sneak peak at tomorrow's list: If you think Mandolin Rain is sad, try the other kinds of rain.

Most depressing songs of the 80s (#41-50)

Turn the lights low. Pour yourself a drink of scotch. Maybe keep a pack of cigarettes and a tissue box close by. The list of the Top 50 Most Depressing Songs of the 80s is here.

Thanks go to the all the Remember The 80s readers who offered a ton of suggestions via the blog and e-mail. I can proudly admit I've spent days weeping over the final rankings, looking up lyrics, listening to the tunes, sobbing openly and swearing in public at inappropriate times. (Again, I apologize to all those kids last night at Chuck E. Cheese.) You name it. But I did it all for you.

I'll roll out the list 10 songs at a time -- trust me, that's more depression than anyone can handle in a single day. As always, fire away with the comments, feedback, phone numbers for suicide hot lines.

TOP 50 MOST DEPRESSING SONGS OF THE 80s: Nos. 41-50

50. Friends of Mine (Duran Duran): "I thinks it's time you were told I think you're growing old."

49. Ghost Town (Cheap Trick): "Life goes on around me every day but it might as well be half a million miles away."

48. Always Something There to Remind Me (Naked Eyes): "If you should find you miss the sweet and tender love we used to share, just come back to the places where we used to go and I'll be there."

47. Hell Is For Children (Pat Benatar): "Be a good little boy, and you'll get a new toy. Tell grandma you fell off the swing."

46. Rockville (R.E.M.): "At night I drink myself to sleep and pretend I don't care that you're not here with me."

45. Who's Cryin' Now (Journey): "So many stormy nights, so many wrongs or rights."

44. Love Will Tear Us Apart (Joy Division): "Do you cry out in your sleep?"

43. Haven't We Been Here Before (Styx): "Footsteps lead down to the note on the door that says I can't stay here anymore."

42. Better Be Home Soon (Crowded House): So don't say no, don't say nothings wrong 'cause when you get back home maybe I'll be gone."

41. Last Night I Dreamt that Somebody Loved Me (The Smiths): No hope, no harm. Just another false alarm."

Sneak peak at tomorrow's list: More Duran Duran, the Cure and the Cars.

Win a home theater system? Inconceivable!

Our favorite fairytale 80s movie -- well, maybe the only movie fitting that genre -- turns 20 years old this year. And "The Princess Bride" is coming out in a special editing DVD to mark the occasion. Look for it in stories in mid-November.

In conjunction with the anniversary and DVD release, MGM Home Entertainment has launched an "Ode to Princess Bride" online contest. Contestants in the online sweepstakes are provided and "editor's took kit" with video, audio and music from the film. Using those, the challenge is to create your own video trailer.

Winners will be selected by movie producers Norman Lear and Rob Reiner. What does the grand prize winner score? A state-of-the-art home theater package and autographed movie script.

The contest ends this Sunday, so get cracking. Go to www.theprincessbride.com for more information.

Best music-movie moments: 11-20

Call me nuts (a little "Van Wilder" reference for fans out there), but I'm going to say having great music soundtracks is what really separates a lot of the true 80s classic films from its peers in the 70s and 90s.

And with this theorem in hand, the Remember the 80s  and you - the readers - set out to compile a list of the greatest music moments from our favorite films. You'll see a lot of obvious choices here -- and a couple you probably forgot all about.

What's it take to make the list? The song has to be almost inseparable from the movie scene it appears in.

Today, we'll cover nos. 11 through 20. And tomorrow, the top 10. As always, fire back with your comments and criticism.

TOP MUSIC MOVIE MOMENTS OF THE 80s: Nos. 11-20

20. Mind Over Matter (E.G. Daily) from Summer School: Once known as "Loryn" from "Valley Girl," Daily recorded several soundtrack songs during the 80s, including this one which plays during the big exam.

  19. "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" (Dream Academy) from Ferris Bueller's Day Off: The instrumental version plays during their visit to the art museum. (Although you can argue The Smith's version in Pretty in Pink is just as good.)

18. "She Loves Me" (Stephen Duffy) from Some Kind of Wonderful: Plays during the epic kissing scene between Keith and Watts -- the best makeout scene of the 80s.

17. "Everybody Wants Some" (Van Halen) from Better Off Dead: Claymation hamburgers and fries come alive and dance for John Cusack during this tune.

  16. "Danka Schoen" (Wayne Newton) from Ferris Bueller's Day Off: "I'd like to dedicate it to a young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today."

15. "What a Wonderful World" (Louis Armstrong) in Good Morning Vietnam: A serious moment in a very funny movie ... and the only reason many 80s fans bought the soundtrack.

  14. "Fight the Power" (Public Enemy) in Do The Right Thing: Hard to remember this Spike Lee film was an 80s flick. Rosie Perez dances to the tune during the opening and Radio Raheem plays it nonstop on his boombox during the movie.

13. "Love is Strange" (Mickey & Sylvia) in Dirty Dancing: Baby and Johnny lip-sync to it during their dance/lapdance/foreplay scene.

  12. "Lunatic Fringe" (Red Rider) in Vision Quest: Matthew Modine jumps rope to this song while preparing to take on Shute in the movie's big wrestling match.

11. "Don't You Forget About Me" (Simple Minds) from Breakfast Club: Brian reads the group essay over this signature 80s tune at the movie's end.

Sneak peek at tomorrow's list: "When I was kid your age, I lugged ice up two, three stories of stairs..."

"Ferris Bueller 2: Another Day Off"

Ferris Bueller fans, here's some amazing news: There is a finished script being shopped in Hollywood for a sequel to the 1986 teen classic.

Titled "Ferris Bueller 2: Another Day Off," the movie places Ferris on the eve of his 40th birthday. The script was written by Rick Rapier, a screenwriter based in Arizona. Is it good? The movie fast-forwards Ferris' life about 20 years. In the years since high school, Ferris has turned his carefree "Life Moves Pretty Fast" motto into a motivational self-help career -- think Tony Robbins, only with a beret and sweater vest. His best friend Cameron is still at his side, managing his massive business.

But despite his phenomenal success, Ferris is a bit distracted on his 40th birthday (which, considering his massive fame, is being watched on pay-per-view TV by millions of devoted fans). He decides to take the day off, sending Cameron, his business associates and family into a frenzy.

Rapier says he hopes John Hughes would direct the movie and all the actors would return to reprise their original roles, including Matthew Broderick ("Ferris), Alan Ruck ("Cameron") and Jeffrey Jones ("Ed Rooney"). And what are the characters all up to now?

• Ferris' sister Jeannie (Jennifer Grey) is married to the boy she met in the police station (Charlie Sheen).
• No longer a school administrator, Rooney is still stalking Ferris for revenge.
• The economics teacher played by Ben Stein now is an airline gate representative.
• Ferris' girlfriend Sloane Peterson (Mia Sara) is a Hollywood star going through a rough marriage.

Can the movie be made? Right now, that's completely up to Hollywood. Rapier says several players in the movie business have read the script, with various reactions. One executive who passed on the script said he didn't like the idea that Ferris was profiting from his persona, Rapier said.

The big questions are whether Hughes can be talked into returning the director's chair and whether a studio will take a chance on a script from a relatively unknown writer. Personally, I think the Ferris legacy is too tempting to resist.

Come on, Hollywood. Take the chance. After all, as our hero says, "Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Olivia Newton-John's echoes of long ago

I have a theory about Olivia Newton-John, and here it is: If she hadn't insisted on sticking to movies in the early 80s and concentrated on her music career instead, we'd have erected statues in her honor by now and she'd be filling huge arenas for concerts (instead of that hag Madonna.)

Sadly, in the year 1980, there was a cosmic shift in the space-time continuum: She made the movie Xanadu and our world was never the same. Don't get me wrong -- Xanadu has possibly one of the best soundtracks of any movie in the late 70s or 80s. Seriously. "Suddenly," "I'm Alive," "Magic," and the title song.

The rest of the actual movie? Too painful to contemplate. It was so unintentionally campy, it makes the Village People's "Can't Stop the Music" (also from 1980) look like "The Deer Hunter."

Olivia Newton-John turns 59 years old today, and here's a suitable present: A pair of tickets to the new Broadway production of "Xanadu," playing at the Helen Hayes Theatre in New York. Just visiting the production's official website is a trip through time. And ELO's Jeff Lynne returns to handles the music and lyrics. What more can an 80s fan ask for?

Reading the reviews, it seems like the stage show has found the niche it should have aimed for back in the less humorous year of 1980. The New York Times called it an "outlandishly enjoyable stage spoof of the outrageously bad movie."

After other odd choices for 80s movies-turned-to-Broadway (Color Purple, Footloose), it seems like we're finally on to something worth celebrating.

The 80s Game With Martha Quinn Now Available

Funkitron Releases The 80’s Game With Martha Quinn for the PC
MTV’s all time favorite VJ makes her PC game debut in new online trivia title
BOXFORD, MASSACHUSETTS – August 14, 2007 – Funkitron, a widely respected developer and publisher of casual games, today announced the release of a new PC trivia title called The 80’s Game With Martha Quinn. Featuring 1980’s pop culture content, as well as in-game images and voice-overs by original MTV VJ Martha Quinn, the game offers fans of the 1980’s a new way to relive that “totally awesome” decade. The 80’s Game With Martha Quinn is available as a 60-minute free trial or may be downloaded for $19.95 from the following site: http://www.the80sgamewithmarthaquinn.com/.
The 80’s Game With Martha Quinn spans several different genres including movies, television, sports, politics, music, and celebrities. The game features four game modes: Free Play, Challenges, Episodes - which includes 80 special “Episode” games with themed questions – and Versus, which allows for head-to-head play for two players. Martha guides you through the game as you test your wits to become the ultimate 80’s trivia expert. More than 3,000 questions from the 80’s are packed into this new title, which also offers high-score postings, bonus rounds, and an accompanying 80’s music track.
“The 80’s Game With Martha Quinn has been an absolute pleasure to work on the entire way through,” said Dave Walls, President of Funkitron, Inc. “If fans of trivia games have as much fun playing the game as we did developing and designing it, they are in for a real treat.”
“I absolutely love my Funkitron 80’s game,” said Martha Quinn. “I’m an 80’s trivia fanatic and even I get stumped! Quick - what soap was Rick Springfield on? General Hospital, right? But do you remember the name of his #1 single (Jessie’s Girl)?”
The 80’s Game is licensed from Intellinitiative Game Company, which produces the best-selling trivia board game, The 80’s Game®.
About Funkitron, Inc.
Funkitron, Inc. was one of the first game publishers to focus on the downloadable casual game market and was founded by game industry veteran Dave Walls in 2001. For the past 5 years, Funkitron has been known for creating high-quality, super fun games that appeal to a broad audience and can be distributed digitally via online networks. The company has had much success with hits such as "SCRABBLE(R) Deluxe", "SCRABBLE(R) Blast", "Slingo(R) Deluxe", "Boggle(R) Supreme" and "Poker Superstars II (TM)". Funkitron’s recently released Slingo Quest, the sequel to Slingo Deluxe, won the Zeebie award as the Best Card, Board and Mahjong game of 2006. For more information about Funkitron, please visit www.funkitron.com
About Intellinitiative Game Co. Intellinitiative Game Co., based in Boston, Massachusetts, creates, manufactures and markets entertaining products that inspire fun, interactive group play. What began as a start-up game business, founded by three sibling entrepreneurs in 2001, has grown into one of the industry’s leading independent game companies. Today, Intellinitiative’s product line features both original and licensed titles such as The 80’s Game®, The 90’s Game® and Merriam-Webster’s Word Sweep!™ that are sold online and internationally in more than 3,000 retail stores. Intellinitiative’s games invite everyone to interact and have fun while creating lasting memories with friends and family. For more information, visit www.the80sgame.com

Bad boys: 'No other Val dude can touch me'

 

When it comes to villainous boyfriends, it's hard to top 80s movies for rich material. In fact, just take about any John Hughes movie and find the boy with the strangest names (Steff? Blaine? Hardy?). Or any character played by Rob Lowe (although he really hit his stride in the '90s). Voila! Instant boyfriend/villain.

Sometimes the true evil of a boyfriend is hidden behind the big, toothy grins ("Maverick," "Danny Noonan") or a beach-friendly mop of boyishly blond hair ("Tommy" and "Rick" -- talkin' about you here.)

So stick with me as I lay out...

THE TERRIBLE TEN: Worst movie boyfriends from the 80s Heathers' "Jason Dean" (Christian Slater): Usually  when your boyfriend starts offing your friends and plots to blow up the school, it's time to take a step back. "Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie."

About Last Night's "Danny Martin" (Rob Lowe): Who breaks up with Demi Moore on New Year's Eve to go back to dating married women with children? Apparently just Rob Lobe. "He is a better human being than that bitch on wheels you've got for a friend!"

Caddyshack's "Danny Noonan" (Michael O'Keefe):  Looks helpless enough, but then ditches Maggie for Lacey Underall. OK, so maybe he's not that bad.

St. Elmo's Fire's "Alec Newbary" (Judd Nelson): Has sex with "nameless, faceless many" -- and says so to his girlfriend Leslie in front of an entire party. (And yet, somehow, former podcast co-host Cathy Wos thinks Rob Lowe is the most evil person in the movie.)

Some Kind of Wonderful's "Hardy Jenns" (Craig Sheffer): You can say that "Steff" from "Pretty in Pink"  is the ultimate John Hughes villain, but I thought he was a semi-respectful boyfriend. Not so with Hardy. At least we're left to ponder if Duncan really does scramble his face. "Look, I'm perfectly willing to forget this. Okay? I see no reason in carrying this on any longer."

Top Gun's "Maverick" (Tom Cruise): Tries to seduce Kelly McGillis in a bathroom, shows up late for dinner -- unshowered -- after "boys day at the beach" and then leaves suddenly without clearing the dishes. I guess we know why Nicole Kidman isn't losing any sleep. "That's right! Ice... man. I am dangerous."

Arthur's "Arthur Bach" (Dudley Moore): Still one  of the classic performances of any 80s comedies. Just set aside the fact that he's stewed when proposing to Susan and sleeps with hookers every night. "You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing GREAT with you!"

Footloose's "Chuck Cranston" (Jim Youngs): He can't decide who he like beating up more -- Kevin Bacon or Lori Singer. Then again, Kevin was dressing up like David Bowie. "I thought only pansies wore neckties."

Last American Virgin's "Rick" (Steve Antin): Gets  Karen pregnant, dumps her long enough for Gary to pay for an abortion and then gets back together with her. If there's a poster-boy for this list, it's either Rick or it's...

Valley Girl's "Tommy" (Michael Bowen): Sorta the Al Pacino of movie badboys in the 80s. Why? Because after Julie dumps him, he has the infamous line: "Who else is there? No other Val dude can touch me. She must really be freaking out."

Ann Wilson shows her Heart

   Ann Wilson's voice is so unique and powerful, I'd spend money to listen to her sing the "Dollar Value Menu" at McDonalds.

Lucky for me and the rest of her fans that she released her first-ever solo CD this week -- "Hope & Glory." The album is full of new renditions of rock classics and guest appearances from legendary artists, including Elton John, Alison Krauss and Rufus Wainwright.  Even Ann's sister, Nancy Wilson from Heart, joins in on a few tunes.

"Hope & Glory" is definitely a trip through the music that inspired Ann and Heart. "Where To Now St. Peter" (by Elton John) and "Immigrant Song" (Led Zeppelin) prosper from her reinvention. Bob Dylan's "A Hard Rain's a-Gonna Fall" benefits from as a duet dipped in patches of blue grass.

"Each of these songs holds a special place in my soul," Ann writes on her Myspace page. "At one time or another every one of them has kept me up at night to the point of exasperation and will not be banished, as I lay sleepless on my pillow. Such songs as these carry me through my life, and they are a standard to which all new music I hear and write must compare."

The only original Ann Wilson tune is "Little Problems, Little Lies," which retells a chapter from her childhood, being brought up as the daughter of a Marine who disagreed with the Vietnam War. Ann's voice reaches Heart-like peaks here, bringing fans hope that they'll hear it again live on the next tour.

Overall, "Hope & Glory" is a must-have CD for Heart fans and for those who just want to explore the music the inspired Ann Wilson

Annie Lennox touring ... would I lie to you?

  Annie Lennox is heading out on tour in support of her new CD, "Songs of Mass Destruction."

It's only a small, 15-city tour for now, according to Pollstar.com, but more dates could be added. Tickets go on sale today. Check her official website for dates and cities.

The new CD is set for release Oct. 1. It's her first CD since "Bare" in 2003. The tour, only her third since going solo in 1992, will play to smaller venues. She last hit the the road in 2004 for the "Sacred Love Tour" with Sting.

Of course 80s fans know Lennox best for her years with Dave Stewart and The Eurythmics. Though the band never formally broke up, they haven't recorded a new studio album since 1999. Stewart and Lennox still occasionally appear together and perform as The Eurythmics, most recently in 2005 to promote a greatest hits collection, "Ultimate Collection," which had two new songs.

Top 5 Eurythmics tunes from the 80s:

5. Sexcrime (Nineteen Eighty-Four): "How I wish I'd been unborn."

4. Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This): "Everybody's looking for something."

3. Missionary Man: "I was borne from original sin."

2. Would I Lie to You?: "You're the biggest fake. That much is true."

1. Here Comes the Rain Again: "I want to talk like lovers do"

The Two Coreys

Well, for all of you out there that long for the days when not one, not two, but three Coreys were huge in pop culture, a new show on A&E has been announced to scratch that itch. "The Two Coreys" brings Corey Haim and Corey Feldman back together. For those more interested in the third Corey, Corey Hart, you'll have to try elsewhere.
Anyway, back to the two Coreys of interest here. I saw a "where are they now" show on them several years ago, and I gotta tell you - it was bleak. I guess when you peak at 15 and combine that with a pretty serious drug habit, there isn't much of anywhere to go but down, down, down. And down they went. But, they are back and together again, living under the same roof in a reality TV show on A&E.

I just did a podcast on "The Two Corey's" you can find it on Remember The 80s or look it up on iTunes. 09 - Remember The 80's - The Two Coreys

Best music-in-movie moments

 

 

Take one look at poor Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything. What's running through your head? "In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel, right?

That's because it's easily one of the greatest music-movie moments of the 80s. Hell, any decade really.

(Trivia note: Director Cameron Crowe hadn't picked a song for that scene by the time it was filmed. So it's actually a Fishbone song playing on the boom box. Not quite as romantic, is it?)

So where would "In Your Eyes" rank on one of our infamous lists?

Tell us: What are your favorite music-in-movie moments of the 1980s? Leave us a comment with your picks and I'll compile them into a Top 20 list.

Here are some of my favorites:

"Melt With You" (Modern English) in "Valley Girl": The perfect tune for the dating montage scene between Randy and Julie.

"Just Once" (James Ingram) in "Last American Virgin": Poor Gary can't catch a break with Karen. And he'll burst into tears every time he hears this song.

"Are You Ready For The Sex Girls" (Gleaming Spires) in "Revenge of the Nerds": Perfectly inappropriate for the Tri-Lamba/Omega Mu mixer.

"Moving in Stereo" (The Cars) in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High": Oddly enough, even though it's the most famous scene in the movie, the song was not included in the original soundtrack.

"Oh Yeah" (Yello) in "Secret of My Success": Not a great movie, and certainly not the movie you normally associate with this song. (Sorry, Ferris fans.) But thanks to some powerful mechanized innuendo on Michael J. Fox's limo (windshield washer fluid, a retractable antennae), I remember this scene more.

"What a Wonderful World" (Louis Armstrong) in "Good Morning Vietnam": The only song that stuck with me after seeing this movie (and the only reason I bought the soundtrack).

Also:

• "Fight the Power" (Public Enemy) in "Do The Right Thing."
• "Old Time Rock N' Roll" (Bob Seger) in "Risky Business."
• "Maniac" (Michael Sembello) in "Flashdance."
• "You Can't Always Get What You Want" (Rolling Stones) in "The Big Chill."
• "Don't Get Me Wrong" (The Pretenders) in "Gung Ho."

Add your favorites!